did you know her?

she barely reached my shoulders, yet she was as tall as mountains.

her hands were smaller than mine, but she was as strong as battleships.

her steps were small and slow, but it never stopped her from dancing everyday.

did you know her?

her name was wan-fok sui ngor.
in february 2007 i lost an aunt. in march 2007 my grandmother was hit with multipe seizures and remained undiscovered in her room for about three hours; she then fell into a coma for a year. she was eighty-eight years old when she passed away on march 11th, 2008. these were the saddest days of my life.

i miss her.

50 cent once said “death’s gotta be easy, cause life is hard”.

aunt shirley came to america first. my grandma followed soon after with the help of her fourth sister. my mother, the youngest of six (though, one of my uncles passed away at a young age, totaling five children), and her older siblings all lived in a tenament building on 9 henry street, china town. their journey across seas changed their lives forever.

my grandma found work at a sweatshop on fourteenth street. prior to the cultural revolution, her family owned silk factories in china. my grandparents were a perfect match financially (he was the son of a war general, fighting for the nationalists in Hainan), but perhaps young lovers were not ready for marriage. no one is perfect; my grandma spent most her days in america at mah jong houses and my grandfather, growing up as the only son, was spoiled by his parents as well as his children. he did some work here and there, but ultimately it was as if karma caught up to him. due to a stroke, his entire left side had become paralyzed—he really didnt have to work for the rest of his life.

but grandma. oh, grandma. she never missed a day at the senior citizen’s center. rain or shine, she would make her way to meet her dancing partner. she was always in high spirit; sometimes i wonder if there is a biological clock for death as there is for life (giving birth). that is, do people know when their time is up? she would keep saying to us, “come visit me more, i don’t have a lot of time left”. the last time i saw her alive, well, and healthy, was on chinese new year in february 2007. a week followng the new year, she was admitted to the hospital.

i cant imagine being a part of any other family or reincarnating without the same people in my life. its true. i cant put myself in my mother’s shoes, to watch her mother pass… i dont ever want to experience it either…. but all good things come to an end.

people should try to talk about death more openly. it is unfair for a person to only deal with it when it hits.. its harder to handle than you think.